Cigarettes and Soap Bubbles

Artist: Lovely Summer Chan

あなたは煙草 私はシャボン | Anata wa Tabako Watashi wa Shabon

Unique wah wah reverb guitar tone and ambiance. Lyrics are about her being a soap bubble and him being a cigarette, she's easily broken and cigarettes are addicting and comforting, but ultimately bad for your health. I think it's an accurate metaphor for the relations of people.

I remember Lauren had compared people to a wick, I suppose it's kind of similar.

That's Why I Gave Up on Music

Artist: Yorushika

だから僕は音楽を辞めた; Dakara Boku wa Ongaku wo Yameta

   This song is probably my favorite song of all time. The classical piano riffing throughout the song gives it this driving force that I can't explain. The lyrics just flow over each other in this kind of rambly way that makes it feel so raw and passionate. The last verse gives this cathartic feeling finishing off the song and the album.
   This is the last song of the album of the same name and it kind of gives context to all of the things Amy was feeling in his other songs. How he feels jealousy at Elma's talent for music. How he's losing his passion for music. How he can't make a living off of music. How he feels that his songs are not genuine, but when they are, nobody understands what he is trying to convey.

"How do I explain why I hate people who put on happy faces?"

Kalmia

Artist: Tsukuyomi

Here's a Tsukuyomi song that I doubt anyone will know about. The voice leads are so impactful and there's so many parts that make you want to sing along e.g. "douka douka," "zenbu zenbu". It's hard to convey complex emotions in music, but I think this song does a good job conveying how everything will fade away. All of the relationships, joys, sorrows will eventually fade, but it ultimately ends on a hopeful message:

"In my dull life, I'm still sprouting."

The Flowers Have Fallen, So

Artist: 一二三 | Hihumi

dongdang. cover

花が落ちたので; Hana ga Ochita no de,

A passionate love song and the invovled feelings of jealousy. We can all wish that feeling didn't exist, but it goes hand in hand with love I suppose. Hihumi's an expert at writing good guitar riffs. Dongdang's voice sounds so tired and nice.

"Suddenly I find, tears start to run their way down my cheek..."

Odoriko

Artist: Vaundy

踊り子

The song itself is pretty simple in terms of chords and melody but it's still able to create this dreamy vibe. The bass line is addicting.

"Let's hope we can start all over again"

Bed

Artist: Galileo Galilei · Aimer

A cute love song that gives this unique summer nostalgia vibe. Most people only know Galileo Galilei from their Anohana stuff, if you've heard this song I would be shocked. Youtube embed is blocked and I couldn't find this song on nico nico ;-;. Really ruining the aesthetic here smh.

"Let's go to bed, let's sleep"

Oninoinumani

Artist: 羽生まゐご | Hanyuu Maigo

dazbee. cover

魔性のカマトト 町子編 「鬼の居ぬ間に」; Mashou no Kamatoto Machiko-hen "Oni no Inumani"

I guess I love songs with unique vibes. Hanyuu's traditional instrumentation gives this song that folklorey mystical atmosphere. Dazbee's voice just naturally fits well with fantasy vibe songs like her Forgotten Words cover. I get both cute and contemplative emotions from this song.

"Even if the demon comes, I’ll love you"

Spring Thief

Artist: Yorushika

春泥棒;Haru dorobou

   I told myself I'd try to do max 1 song of each artist, but Yorushika is an exception :). I really enjoy the a/aflat in the chorus, it's an ear worm. I feel like the atmosphere created through this song is well-reflected in the music video. Like you're just reflecting on life sitting under the cherry blossoms.

  The song is about how a relationshp has ended and now you're left wondering, "where did the time go?" While you're enjoying spending time with that person, you lose track of time and in an instant you're at the end of it and everything's gone. It makes me wonder if it's worth it to spend so much time on relationships that won't last.

"I wonder how many more times can I still meet you in the spring…"

Post-Shelter

Artist: INABAKUMORI

isui. cover

ポストシェルター

Most people only know INABAKUMORI for lost umbrella and lag train, but I think some of his lesser known works are just amazing. Post-Shelter is my personal favorite and isui's cover is amazing. I love songs with seasonal imagery, with this song in particular, spring/summer are being described in verse 1, then fall/winter in verse 2. I've listened to this for hours trying to study the percussion used.

"I wished what I had felt would be spoken aloud tomorrow or the day after."

Gray so Gray

Artist: Epik High

That percussion is so simple yet so addicting. I always love Epik High's lyrics, had a hard time deciding to put this or HOME IS FAR AWAY. Literally every line I'm just like, yeah I can relate to that. A self hating song with an insanely catchy instrumental.

"I hate me, more than you could ever"

Flowering

Artist: Dareharu

This song always makes me so emotional. Rest in peace ampstyle, I will continue to be inspired by your works. I learned the piano solo in this song.

Everyone should watch this video.

Antifreeze

Artist: Yerin Baek
Composer: The Black Skirts

When You Die

Artist: MGMT

I love this song so much I made a Valorant Montage to it XD. Little Dark Age is one of the few albums I've listened all the way through multiple times. This song deals with death, be it actual death or artist death. At first you'll struggle and be frustrated with death, but in the end, you'll accept it.

"We'll all be laughing with you when you die."

BALD!

Artist: JPEGMAFIA

Most people probably wouldn't think I listen to hiphop/rap but JPEGMAFIA is an exception sometimes. The production is just insane on this track, especially the percussion. I guess there's a reason why he has the #1 rated album on rateyourmusic. The bass is also really nice. It shmooves.

"Y'all lives ain't got no meaning"

End Credits

Artist: The Eden Project ft. Leah Kelly

Simpler times in high school listening to things posted on MrSuicideSheep. The wavy synth during the verses are nice. I had a hard time deciding between End Credits or Times Like These.

"You can wish away forever but you'll never find a thing like today."

Nonsense

Artist: Madeon ft. Mark Foster

Madeon was my introduction to electronic music with his "Pop Culture" song all those years back. This song is just so damn happy and carefree, what happened? Maybe I was just happier in the past LOL.

"Fall back and close your eyes"

Sonata No. 2 in B-Flat Minor, Op. 35

Artist: Chopin

My favorite classical piece. It's supposed to be a funeral march. Very interesting harmonies that make me think heavily about the music.

Reflection (Mirror Night)

Artist: V.K

My favorite new age piano piece. It's signifigantly more difficult to convey emotions through song without lyrics and this song does a good job putting you in that reflective mood (maybe it's the title though LOL)

lit(var)

Artist: Kensuke Ushio

I want to cry when that orchestra comes in. Even moreso when it's given the context of the movie during the scene where all the X's falling off the faces of his classmates. This song gives me so much hope.

Deathly Loneliness Attacks

Artist: 一二三 | Hihumi

猛独が襲う | Moudoku ga Osou

I think I like the original version more than mafumafu's cover, it kind of annoys me when you google search "Deathly Loneliness Attacks," it says "Song by mafumafu". The two guitars are so catchy and the lyrics are too depressing and relatable. I will create a guitar riff as good as this.

"I know it's always been this way."

Girl A

Artist: Powapowa-P | siinamota

少女A | Shoujou A

  Lots of covers but I prefer the original. In HS I liked Goodbye Everyone more but that sounds too resolved for me right now I think. Ah, I get such toxic feelings listening to this. Especially after all of these jett 1k knife stitches on TikTok, if you're going to make that to this song you might as well just buy a plane ticket to Japan and spit on the guy's grave.
   Really makes you think about suicide. There are suicides where they're too far gone and no matter how much you care you can't save them, but I feel like a lot of the times, it just takes one person to truly care about you to save you. You can literally look at his twitter and listen to his music to see he's not doing okay. I just hope someone tried to care, although knowing how it is, nobody probably did. RIP fellow nbuna fan.
"I can't put my trust in you, even though you're the only one I have"

OVER!

Artist: Iyowa

オーバー！

Why is the only cover of this song a Minecraft noteblock cover ;-;.
A song about the excitement, anticipation, and joy from meeting someone new. At least that's what I've gathered. It's kind of a unique story. What's funny is I actually really disliked the trumpets on first listen, but this song grew on me so much. The climax just makes you want to start running with tears streaming down your face. Also has one of the cutest MVs.

"I'll reach you over!"

Just What is Living?

Artist: 午後ティー | Afternoon Tea

生きるってなんだよ

Man this song hits right in the depression. I think there's nothing too standout in terms of the melody, pretty generic jrock song but every line just hits. I particularly enjoyed the ending choir:
"The petals are loved because they fall, to me that'll die someday hungered by love"
"You'll never be able to become anything you want to, realizing this, they withered away"
Rather than listening to this for it's musical content, I think I really enjoy the lyrics of this song.
"Pathetic. I want to die at thirty."

notflower

Artist: NAKISO

花めかない;HANAMEKANAI

The last NAKISO song before they blew up with DOKUZU. After that, it's just all hard bass rinse and repeat. I'm honestly shocked they composed this as well. I really enjoy the more melodic stuff I suppose. The piano is so nice and the lyrics are fittingly depressing.

"'Do you still hate life?'"

WOZWALD

Artist: NILFRUITS

miy_yuu. cover

ヲズワルド

This is peak crazy. On my JP song palatability chart, this would be the least palatable. It's a crazy song but I think that craziness helps reflect the singer's mental state. It's a song about hating everyone, hating the world, and everyone being fake.

It has a pretty interesting song structure and miy_yuu's growl during the pre-chorus is so nice. There's an interesting lyric "If you hate a monk, you will even hate his robe" which is a proverb referring to how if you hate someone, you'll hate everything they stand for. Probably the most hateful song I know.

end | November, 2022

Rating: 1/10

Don't listen to this, it's so poorly produced, it literally hurts to listen to. Honestly, the melody isn't even that bad, just production is terrible. Someone should have flamed me and said this is trash.

The title "end" was because I wanted this depressing arc of my life to end, as well as the lyric from the song "Blooming in the Mud" by Wolpis Carter. The lyric is "the end is at the beginning of your life" because you start your last life when you are born.

Not a good song using FL default violin and piano, but hey, it's a start.

shallow | December, 2022

Rating: 2/10

I stopped using the FL default piano and started using NI Maverick. Not really much to the song, pretty simple. I don't know why the working time is 28 hours, I probably played it and fell asleep x_x. I experimented a lot with different ways to write the chords in the left hand and tried using the trills from Animenz' "My Dearest"

Generally, people are very shallow. The majority of friendships are shallow. Most friends I've met are just transient friends who are just there for convenient vibes, they won't last. I think I continue this pessimistic view on people for the next couple songs.

pointless | January, 2023

Rating: 3.5/10

I tried to create a strings piece that wasn't scuffed like my first song. I used the free orchestras from Spitfire and BBC Symphony, but man, I don't really like how the Violin sounds. I don't think I will compose that many more orchestral pieces, but rather use strings as an accompaniment in other genres. I also discovered colors in FL!!

Continuing on with the pessimistic view on friendships, I think I started to find it pointless to put effort into the majority of them. I stopped talking to a lot of people at the start of the new year, e.g. Erick Ethan Emily etc. and honestly, I'm not upset at all about not interacting with these people anymore. I thought it'd be better to put more effort into relationships I did care about.

that's all we are | February, 2023

Rating: 8/10

I gave up on one word titles LOL. First time using a lot of different instrumentation. The guitar is the free shreddage 3 stratus, and the bass and drumkit are FL Studio default. There's 3 repetitions of the chorus in 80 seconds, but I guess that's rock. I still really enjoy the bridge section with the lil' chromatic line into strum.

The colors are from a song I was rocking to at the time called Thermal Anomaly (I recommend miy-yuu cover). It has a slightly higher rating because it's the first rock song I made so learning a new genre was fun. This piece serves as a constant reminder to never emotionally invest myself into others as it will only dissapoint me later. I think I asked Xi for input while making this, and I have not spoken to her since, so this song reminds me of her a little.

moon and wave | March, 2023

Rating: 8/10

"You love in spite of, not because of"

I was browsing AZALICORD and saw that he uses the NOIRE piano and I had to try to tap in on that, I love the plugin and still use this piano frequently. This was the first piece that I just kind of free-styled the chords and I think it created some impactful moments.

A discussion came up on "What's the difference between platonic vs romantic feelings?" I don't know! And I still don't truly know what 'love' is so this song was an attempt to capture what I felt 'love' was. All of the items listed on the piano left e.g. "humming, the past" are from the ending of August, That Place, Moonlight by Yorushika.

windswept | April, 2023

Rating: 6.5/10

I experimented a lot with different guitar tones this piece. Spent so much time tinkering with NI Mint and I'm still not very happy with the tones. I also got an actual drum and bass guitar plugin. Ultimately a piece about frustration with many things

The colors come from the song Quiet Room by ewe and the title comes from the Yorushika song Matasaburo. Kind of hoping the wind blows everything away. Both these songs reach a point where the singer finds resolution, I think I was hoping for that feeling somehow.

cat in d minor | May, 2023

Rating: 4/10

Joke song with meow synth. Forced myself to make a very slow BPM song, I hope it helped my songwriting somehow. Everything in this song is just found by searching "most depressing key" "most depressing chord progression" etc. Honestly making this made me feel less sad, funny cat make funny noise for funny song.

dance of me | May, 2023

Rating: 9.5/10

Piano + Guitar Instrumentation. I tried to put my entire soul into this song, all of my tiredness, depression, hopes, sorrows everything. I hope I was able to convey even 10% of this. It starts kind of playful then at the end it's supposed to be just pure exhaustion. Like you're at the end of your life and just tired of everything, or falling asleep at sunset. I wanted to illustrate this through the sunset colors but I didn't have a picture so I used one Lilian had sent me a while ago. It's kind of fitting because this was the last time I spoke with her xd.

I truly despise the month of May. Shoutout to people who remembered and took me out to eat, it meant a lot. Thanks to Lauren, Brian, Mike + UC, I'll do my best to repay it.

withered bells | June, 2023

Rating: 4/10

I heard AZALI's meowsynth kawaii future bass was a mistake and that bell arpeggio was just insanely ear pleasing so I tried to create something similar in Serum. It was my first time using serum so it ended up being kind of scuffed. I really loved this chord progression, but I could just not do it justice, I need to revisit this progression one day.

TBH, I wasn't even planning to continue making music after my last song, I felt like I had already put everything out there and I had nothing left - I was empty. But I got a spontaneous urge and I'm glad I continued. I think the overall optimism of the songs will go up from here.

someflower | July, 2023

Rating: 7.5/10

"Friends are like plants, and I'm a bad gardener"

IIRC, I listened to Post-Shelter by INABAKUMORI and the piano intro used some sort of a tape piano so I threw Spitfire LABS Tape Piano in there and just came up with something. It creates this like twangy dissonant sound that I want to try and use again somehow. The two pianos are supposed to be talking to each other so lots of call/response attempts.

Since the instrumentation was inspired by Post-Shelter, I had to use the Post-Shelter colors. This is just a song about me trying to water my plants and them dying anyway :)
Love is a smoke made with the fume of sighs or something like that

amen break (cw_amen07_172) my heart | August, 2023

Rating: 2/10

Breakcore? Artcore? Mentallyillcore!!
Another joke song, Was fun to use a nice cello, but I don't particularly enjoy the breakcore genre. I was originally going to make this comp # 10 but it was just so soulless and not accurate to how I was feeling at the time I couldn't use it. I don't even know what I was doing, I was just so fed up with breakcore I started just MIDI drawing random faces LOL.

analog memories | August, 2023

Rating: 8/10

I tried out a lot a new stuff with this song. I tried out new analog synths (hence the title) and Synth V Solaria. I want to eventually meet vocalist friends and comission them, but I'm happy SynthV let's me practice my lyric writing before then. It's hard to find the right balance between making lyrics too literal vs. too ambiguous. This was also my first time writing a Pads section and I still don't really know how to use them, I just kept stacking the chord with stable notes. I tried really hard to make it a somewhat happy song, staying on major chords with kind of a light simple rhythm. Honestly, it doesn't sound the most happy but I'd say that's truthful then.

August is usually the second most depressing month of the year, so the fact that I'm able to write a kind of happy song during it is amazing. I think a large contributor to this was being inspired by the CHALKEY debut. I want to be good enough at music production to just make music with a friend. I love when friends make music, Dwen hates me but I'm probably his biggest fan LOL.

vapid | September, 2023

Rating: 9.5/10

I speedran this song in like two days, I was just having so much fun making a poprock song with lyrics. Every guitar song I've done I've used a different plugin trying to find the right tone, shreddage, NI, but I think I will settle on Ample. This was my first time trying to Mix/Master using Ozone and I have no clue what I am doing. I'll change a setting and be like it sounds alright either way. I also reused the chord progression from comp # 8 and I think I did better. I really wanted to get out of the four chord progression and throw an A minor in but I couldn't find the timing.

Back to depressing songs lol. This song's about how everything in my life is just vapid. I have no morals or convictions or foundations so all of my lyrics don't mean much. Majority of my friends are just transient and not lasting. It truly sucks but eh, it's the meta i guess. The colors are from the Tsukuyomi song Kalmia. I still enjoy listening to this, I might want to turn this into a full song.

it took me a week to download these instruments | October, 2023

Rating: 5/10

I needed an ear reset while writing anhedonia so I wrote an Orchestra song. I watched the Cynical breakdown and saw that EW Orchestra was used and tried downloading it. Why is it like 1.5 tbs x_x? I wanted to try making a "kagura-esque" Orchestra style drop or Evan Call or Kensuke Ushio or Rach.

This song doesn't really mean anything just messing around with random instruments. Someone commented it sounded happy which surprised me, but that's good.

Anhedonia | October, 2023

Rating: 8.5/10

I wanted to write a full length song for my maybe last song. The first verse's lyrics are subtlety counting like in Yorushika's Amy. The bridge was supposed to provide a small respite from the fast tempo and rock. I hope it sounds like a somewhat real song despite the lacking production quality. I think I've improved from when I first started and I just hope someone genuinely enjoys listening to these little tunes because they kind of represent me and my struggles. The colors are from my May composition but with a desaturated gradient because this is one of my more personal songs.

As the title implies, it's a song about being unable to feel pleasure from things. I was going to change some of the lyrics because they were too depressing but then I realized it does not matter since nobody will notice. I truly envy people who can be passionate about something like gaming or sports or even politics. I've always been this way since I was a kid, but now that I'm adult, I'm out of hope that this will ever change. I'm kind of over struggling.